By Aliza
So you are a man at a feminist debate/panel/meeting. You will want to say some or all of the following things.
1. You know, since I was a child, I thought that women are equal to men.
2. Any sentence beginning with “As a reformed man…”
3. Hahaha, I had a very strong mother, you see.
4. Anybody here single?
5. I really respect women.
6. Women are superior to men in every way.
7. Hey, can you pass me the mic.
8. I really respect you all but if you will allow me to play the devil’s advocate here.
9. I only date feminist women.
10. Men are total scum, truly disgusting chauvinist pigs. *insert castration joke and look bewildered that no one is laughing.*
11. You know some of my favourite feminists are men, like have you heard of Suhel Seth. (Moderator: Wait, aren’t you Suhel Seth?”)
12. Thank you for bringing me here. If there is anything these conversations need it is the male perspective.
13. Being a man & a feminist are not at odds with each other. In fact, if there weren’t any men there would be no feminism.
14. As a feminist man I will acknowledge my privilege, like the PRIVILEGE of being surrounded by these pretty women.
15. I am a caste & class privileged, straight, cis-man and I think that sexism is the biggest problem in this country.
16. Ha ha ha I know, I know I am a man. I am really glad nobody here has bitten my head off.
17. You know I have been called more feminist than even the most feminist of women!
18. A 30-minute monologue about how he doesn’t understand why there are women out there who don’t identify as feminists.
19. Any other 30-minute monologue. Fucking pass the mic.
20. Okay but why isn’t anyone talking about men in this panel about women and gender?
Avoid any of the above. Avoid the rising feeling of sincerity in your heart that needs to be expressed. Avoid the desire to say heh-heh. You will sound like an idiot. We will fall down laughing.
Trust us. We are feminists.
Aliza is a student of Economics and Film and is the founder of the Nitin Gadkari Fan Club. and tweets @GrunthusGrumpus.