By Theertha Raj
Malayalam daily Mangalam has come up with a list of “scientifically proven” methods to conceive a baby boy. With all these inconvenient laws regarding sex determination, it is a relief that there is finally a fool-proof checklist to follow for boy-bearing (not to be confused with ball-bearing), especially if God forbid, the blood moon sacrifices conducted by your extended family for a male heir hasn’t worked out yet.
The article does admit that these methods might not assure 100 percent success. This is because even science cannot discount for those rare anomalies, despite the solid reasoning and logic behind these facts.
BOY-BEARING TIP #1
Limit your procreational activities to Days 1,3,5 and 7 of the week. The “strength” of the male sperm is “scientifically” stronger and pushier on these days. Probably inspired by Kejriwal’s car number plate rule, this tip dictates misogynist movie-watching nights on even days, and bang-bang resulting in boy-bearing on the odd days.
BOY-BEARING TIP #2
Never skip breakfast, if you are a woman interested in boy-bearing. Apart from being the most important meal of the day (honestly, nobody cares about that when all you are destined to be is a boy-bearer), it will ensure that your uterus would house only baby boys. Must be something in the morning cereal.
BOY-BEARING TIP #3
Most importantly, wives of the patriachal realm desiring boys should eat a lot. Can’t figure out the common sense behind this? Because boys eat a lot, and girls don’t, silly. Stuff yourself (with food) to the tonsils, and your body will ensure boy-bearing.
BOY-BEARING TIP #4
Couples desiring boy-bearing should religiously include mutton, dry grapes and salty food in their diet. Pity on those vegetarians with high blood pressure.
BOY-BEARING TIP #5
This is the toughest one yet. Wannabe boy-bearer women should sleep with their faces turned to the left side, also facing west simultaneously. We recommend carrying a compass to bed to make this easier.
BOY-BEARING TIP #6
We shouldn’t leave the men out of these boy-bearing preparations. Mangalam dictates that men should avoid food items including acidity content, as it reduces the power and the brawn of the semen. Stronger sperm means XY-bearing embryos, as the presence of the strength automatically cancels out on the possibility of girl embryos.
Don’t believe us? Head over here, armed with a Malayali friend or Google translate. Chances are, you might successfully end up being a boy-bearer too.