In Mysore Rooms Do As The Romans Do

By Tilottama Shrinivasa

I went to university in a small town in Germany. University was fun! What wasn’t so much fun initially, was how alone one was in a strange country where one didn’t speak the local language (courses were in English), where everything was different (the post-boxes were yellow, so it took me a while to find one to post a letter to my granddad), where one shared a flat with a bunch of strangers who struggled to communicate with one another because the only common language was German and no one spoke it very well.

The easiest way to meet people (and therefore potential friends) was to sign up for ‘sports’ and grab any opportunity that came one’s way to go out with a group of people. Being a small town, one invariably met acquaintances, especially on the main street. Also, seeing a tall and well-built cop saunter past (as one frequently did) with a gun in her holster was reassuring. Especially when one was walking back at 12.30am from the library/dance class/drinking session with classmates/dinner at the kind senior’s flat that one very gratefully goes to as a better alternative to calling mum and sobbing about how lonely you are. Or one could clear one’s head by taking a short walk on the main street at 3.00am and getting a ‘bratwurst’ from the stand that stayed open till 5am. Since most pubs and discos closed at 2 or 3 (or 4 or 5) in the morning, the main street (where most were located) had lots of people on it at all times of day and night (5am was when the factory workers went off to work, so breakfast places opened by then).

Being able to take long walks, without worrying about the time, felt like home because it wasn’t very different from what I was used to in India, living in the Indian Institute of Science campus in Bangalore where taking solitary walks at 3 in the morning was (and still is) quite normal, as was driving back from MG Road at 2.30am after meeting friends for a drink and some dancing.

Now, this is exactly the kind of life I would expect to have in beautiful, idyllic Mysore. I remember spending holidays there as a kid (when I demanded we go to the zoo everyday) and what I really loved about the place (in addition to the zoo) was how safe, welcoming and normal it was! Normal for me has always been doing whatever I wanted to without being told ‘girls can’t do this or boys can’t do something else’ (I was very surprised when I went to Germany and was told it is strange for girls to study Mechanical Engineering)

And yet, this lovely little city has been in the news recently for uncharacteristically nasty attacks on students of a flourishing yoga school in tree-lined, upmarket Gokulam. And while the cops have responded to the issue in typically efficient Mysore-police style, both the original petition to the police and a more recent set of recommendations by concerned and righteous citizens go a long way towards shaking my faith in the rationality and equality that has always defined Mysore!

So, to get back to what I was saying, if I were to walk around in Mysore today, I would apparently have to follow the following rules that I will now proceed to interpret based on my experience of being a foreigner (you could call me the world’s only consulting foreigner).

(1)  Don’t venture out alone: I presume they mean don’t be alone among strangers (one isn’t alone when one is being stalked, for example). Since everyone I met for the first six months, at least, was a stranger, this would have meant sitting in my room (perhaps with a paper bag over my head) for six months (definitely with a paper bag over my head!).

(2)  Dress properly while going out: This is a tricky one. What is properly?

This (the most logical attire for the tropics)?

(Source: WideAngleWandering)

This?

(Source: Filmi Tadka)

This?

(Source: Wikimedia Commons)

This?

(Source: Zivya)

Oh but wait! Since these are suggestions to counter some early morning groping (and since, in addition to being a consulting foreigner, I was fairly busty by the time I was 8 so I now have over 20 years of experience in quick gropes by a vast assortment of strangers on early morning walks, in buses and on trains, in concerts, in temples, on the street, etc. and because as an engineer I like solving problems) the ideal proper dress would definitely be something like this!

(3)  ‘Make known Indian culture to foreigners’ aka ‘when in Rooms do as Roman does’ (as the Delhi Police said a few years ago). This again has me flummoxed. What is Indian culture? Being kind to animals like this?

Being social like this?

(Source: Wikimedia Commons)

Responding to anti-social elements that annoy one like this,

or this? Or when the dear Sir suggests we make known Indian culture, does he mean the culture that suggests women should be ‘decently’ covered from the neck downwards and stand obsequiously next to our man lord and master like this?

That is our ‘Indian’ culture, isn’t it Sir? Sir, if I may suggest: since your Indian culture books are a colonial chap’s interpretation of our culture according to his own narrow-minded views have a foreign author and are from the 19^th century, they will fetch you a very good price on eBay, sir! Sir, giving advice about things we don’t know anything about is also our culture Sir…

(4)  While going out, foreigners should inform their neighbours and police (as a solution for reported stalking while they go to early morning classes or late at night): This is beautiful! Words fail me. Why didn’t I think of this in university? Before I went for that 3am walk I could have told my grumpy German flatmate who yelled at everyone if we spoke in anything but whispers after 10pm or the Columbian who waitressed after classes at university and before teaching salsa at a club until 1am. Also, I could have called the local police station and told them I intend to go for a walk. They would have kept track of me no doubt (in fact I am very sure they would have if I persisted in doing this enough number of times).

(5)  This is the crowning glory of all advice, directed not at foreigners but at the police, for the benefit of everyone (women especially). Drumroll…Tada! ‘Advancing closure of bar timings to prevent movement of people late in the night’: This is perfectly logical because when I used to drive back alone in Bangalore at 2:30am, before the 11:30pm deadline was introduced, there were lots of cars on the road (other people heading home, waiters, bar tenders, delivery vans etc.) and there were lots of eateries that stayed open to cater to the pub/theatre-going crowd. This, of course, made me feel unsafe because if something went wrong with my car (say I needed to change a tyre), I would have no privacy. Nowadays (post 11:30 deadline), I get stuck in traffic jams at 11:45 but by 12:30 there isn’t a soul on the road. So if I have to drive back alone at that time for some reason (working late, was visiting friends and lost track of time etc.) I feel perfectly safe knowing there is nobody but me and my potential mugger on the road. And it isn’t just me, other women feel like this too!

So dear foreigners, here is a checklist for when you come to our country:

1. Stay in your room
2. If you must go out, take a non-stranger with you always (if you have been silly enough to come alone and haven’t brought your family and friends with you as one normally does when visiting a foreign country, ask your local police station for an escort a bodyguard – as made known in our Indian culture – and spend a week talking to them through your room door so you aren’t strangers when you finally venture out)
3. Before you go out make sure you knock on your neighbour’s door and tell them you are going out
4. Call up your local police station and tell them you are going out
5. Change into proper clothing (as suggested in point 2 above)
6. Be back home by 11:30 10.00 9:00 7:00

You know what? Just stay in your room until it is time to catch that flight back to your foreign land!