By Kaveri Gautam
My nursery school had a strict admission procedure. First, my sister and I had to be younger than two and a half years. Then, my parents had to fill in a form that asked for things like religion and caste. Then, my parents had to make us learn charts full of animals, fruits, vegetables and other whatnots. Then, they had to prepare us a few days in advance, saying, “We are going to see two thathas (grandfathers), they’ll be very nice, you have to talk to them.” I was prepared thusly, but my sister’s preparation had to be done twice over because the interview was cancelled after Rajiv Gandhi’s assassination. Two-year-olds apparently don’t have very long memories.
The Kejriwal government was recently shocked (as we are) by the various criteria wielded by nursery schools in their admission procedures. They’ve scrapped 62 of these absurd parameters and published them too, with exquisite comments that thathas would be proud of, using phrases such as illogical criterion, vague criterion and not relevant criteria. For instance:
However, Kejriwal is not alone. Some parents and children are subverting these rules for him. Here are stories from various parents about what their toddlers said in interviews. Kejriwal should hire this infant brigade.
Child #1
This interviewer wants to know which fancy car parents own or whether they had shockingly arrived in public transport. But she framed this as some manner of general knowledge question.
Interviewer asks child: How did you come here?
Child (obviously thinking duhhh) replies: through the door.
Child #2:
This interviewer asks, “What’s your name?”
Child (clearly up on ideas of privacy, security and possibilities of doxing and feeling that you can never tell with nursery interviewers) replies: Why should I tell you?
Child #3:
In this case the interviewer was sticking to safe subjects and asked (while pointing to horse on animal chart): What’s this?
Child replies with alacrity: Hoss.
Interviewer (now pointing to donkey): What’s this?
Two and a half–year old (ponders for a moment): Small hoss.
Child #4:
Interviewer (to parent): Does he know ABC?
Parent: Isn’t that what he’s supposed to learn here?
Laughter is the only response here. Seal of approval for this parent for saying “The emperor isn’t wearing clothes”, and not caring about the responses.
But what does it look like on the other side of the admission procedure? This anecdote tells us:
Child #5:
Kindergarten teacher: Congratulations, your child got 26th rank in class!
Parent: She can’t count beyond ten.
That passive-aggressive “26th rank” deserved exactly this response. If you disapprove of such a low rank, then say it. At least the child knows how to avoid prime numbers.
Do you have stories about your kid, or what you yourself said in a nursery interview? We are dying to hear them! Please share in the comments.