The internet is currently exploding with opinions about Charles Saatchi’s embarrassingly rancid statement on why he is divorcing Nigella Lawson. Read his full statement to the Daily Mail here. Highlight:
I am sorry to announce that Nigella Lawson and I are getting divorced. I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella during the last year or so and I am disappointed that she was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women, and have never abused her physically in any way.
We might just be joining a chorus, but the irony is rich on many counts.
1) As an advertising mogul himself, how can his main objection to Nigella’s behavior be her excellent minimalist PR?
2) He is using a statement supposedly about his divorce to continue weaseling out of responsibility for the actual incident.
Difficult as it may be to believe, for those who have seen the pictures, there was no pressure applied to her. In fact it was merely a gesture – one to which a still photograph give a wholly different and incorrect implication.
Of course, he is just sinking further into the PR quicksand.
3) He may see the Saatchi gallery as a major philanthropic endeavor, and his apology for helping to bring Margaret Thatcher to power. But the wave of conversations and awareness that have resulted from his actions might strangely be his best contribution to the Public Good. He epitomizes so thoroughly the verbose excuse-factory that abusive men can become. We hope Trinny and Susannah, stars of the TV show What Not To Wear, will team up with Nigella for a new show: What Not To Stay Married To.
So, please watch the episode where Nigella hokily demonstrates the art of breakup survival to a friend. Listen in on Nigella’s own advice. “Whatever you do, do not ring him and do not text him”, and, “I think an express batch of chocolate chip cookies will administer all the comfort that is required.”
Cut to the end of the video for high levels of retroactive meaning.
Nigella: “I’m not going to say anything. You know what I thought of him”.
(TheFinger: YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF OUR MOUTH, NIGELLA!)
Teary Friend: “You are right you know, he wasn’t right for me, but they [chocolate chip cookies] are.”
(TheFinger: Yay friend, even though you are probably a hired actor, you’ve encapsulated Nigella’s life trajectory perfectly!)
We realise Nigella’s prescriptions of complete stoicism and panache might be a little hard to pull off during an actual breakup. But, as she herself has said in the past, “food lasts longer than men.“