By Apoorva Sripathi

Originally Published on 3 February 2017.

Rahul Dravid is one of five Indian cricketers to have recently been inducted into the International Cricket Council on Sunday. He has proved why he is The Wall and occupies a place in our hearts that no one can fill instead 😉 We bring you an essay of how would it be if this Rahul Dravid was your classmate.

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(Obligatory OMG.)

If Rahul Dravid were your classmate, he’d sincerely offer you his notes while also gently reminding you to pay (more) attention in class. Because studies are important. He’d say no to group studying though, but he’d be more than willing to discuss questions, model exam papers, and how the exam went. He’d never be down for discussing gossip; and if he heard you badmouthing a student or a teacher, he’ll stand up for them, friends or not. That’s not the way you talk about someone now, is it? “We’re all a team — we’re in this together,” he’d say.

If Rahul Dravid were your classmate, he’d be the annoying first bencher, raising his hand politely because of course he knows the answers. But he’d be really sweet so you’ll ignore that aspect. And of course, he will never speak out of turn. If anyone made fun of you for answering something wrong, he’d stare them down disapprovingly. If you had something to say and you were painfully shy, he’d ease out the process for you. And if you asked a question that people laughed at, he’d stand up for you, reminding people that there are “no stupid questions”, and apologise to the teacher for speaking out of turn.

If Rahul Dravid were your classmate, he’d offer to help you study. And he’ll be the greatest study buddy — patient, kind, intelligent and curious to know what you have to say. You will discuss movies, literature, pop culture and politics, and he’ll suddenly surprise you with his latest favourite pop song — he’s underground cool and you always knew it, but you’ll witness it firsthand. Your conversations would extend effortlessly, because Dravid would listen patiently and draw you out of your semi-permeable shell.

And you’ll easily be tempted to talk about cricket and HIM, but he’ll ever-so-kindly tell you that he’s just another student like you. And that he’d instead be talking about something else — the environment, perhaps? The Trump presidency? What are your thoughts on demonetisation? He’ll listen to you talking about feminism. He may say much and he’d look concerned about the evil that men do. He would ask innocently what does #NotAllMen mean?

If Rahul Dravid were your classmate, he’ll share his lunch with you, neatly setting aside portions for the two of you (or more). The next day he’ll bring more lunch so that everyone can have some. He’ll also take some of your lunch (if you offer it to him) and make sure to compliment your mother’s cooking.

If Rahul Dravid were your classmate, he’ll ask for your birthday and remember it, wishing you first in class before anyone can. He’ll also be shocked that you remembered his (11th January), no matter then that it’s all over the Internet. You’ll be overwhelmed, smile reaching up to your eyes, wanting to say a gracious thank you in return. But he’ll brush it off — friends remember friends’ birthdays.

With thanks to the late Toast’s wonderful ‘If X Were Your Boyfriend’ series. Rahul Dravid would never be our boyfriend, just our classmate.