Being in an abusive relationship can be stressful – mentally, physically, and emotionally. If you have decided to leave, are thinking of leaving, or are undecided about what to do, it is very important that you know how to protect yourself legally. The following tips and tricks are things you can do right now to ensure that if you leave you have a strong case against your abuser, which will protect you in a criminal, divorce or child custody case.
1. Write in a journal
Write in your journal every day detailing what your abuser does and says to you, in as much detail as possible. This will prove to be useful when you need to show proof of a timeline of the abuse – when the abuse happened, how often it happened, and how your abuser hurt you or exercised control over you. Make sure you put down the dates and times of incidents clearly, also noting who else may have witnessed it. It is never too late to start your journal. Remember to keep your journal in a safe place or you could use an online journal like
Penzu.
2. Evidence, evidence, evidence
It is absolutely vital that you have evidence of the abuse such as photographs, screenshots, videos, audio recordings, e-mails and texts. This will help you build a strong case against your abuser ensuring that you have proof of abuse in case he lies in court. Share these with a friend so that someone else also has copies.
3. Keep all of your medical files/doctor’s files
If you have been hurt badly by your abuser and gone to the doctor for treatment, it is a good idea for you to keep all of the medical documentation of your injuries. This is also applicable for letters/prescriptions from a counsellor or mental health practitioner regarding your mental well-being. Scan them if you are able to and keep both e-copies and hardcopies safe.
4. Keep a backup of your evidence
Always keep copies of your evidence somewhere safe where you know your abuser won’t find them. You could even give them to a trusted friend to keep with them in case something happens to you. It is also advisable to keep digital copies. You can use services like Dropbox or Google Drive to keep all of your digital copies in a cloud based service that won’t be deleted off your computer.
5. Keep safe
Your safety is of utmost importance. You must be very careful when collecting all types of evidence and be sure to collect it when no-one is watching, especially those you don’t trust. Make sure that whatever evidence you are collecting, you must keep it safe and out of reach from your abuser so it cannot be destroyed and discovered.
6. Keep and maintain a folder containing evidence and other documents you will need.
This folder will include the following documents:
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Cover Letter
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Personal Statement – written by you
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Timeline of Events
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Supporting statements – written by other people to support your case
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Anything else that may be relevant, e.g. journal entries
7. Ask relevant persons to write a supporting statement for you
The supporting statement can serve several different purposes: as a character witness or as evidence of how the abuse has affected you. You can ask friends, family, your doctor, social worker, NGO, or anybody you have confided in or who has seen the abuse first-hand or seen it’s affect on you. They should mention every time they witnessed or heard of the abuse and your situation from you, your relatives, friends, or anyone else. It is extremely important to clearly state the first time the person found out about the abuse against you and how they found out about it.
8. Make a timeline of the abuse
The timeline of events must be chronological. The timeline of events is your chance to demonstrate the sequence of events that have happened to you and how it has affected you. Timelines are an important part of your evidence as they will help people reading to understand your situation and how the abuse has developed. Sometimes it can be hard to communicate and remember all the details if someone is asking you questions about days in the past. Every time you can’t remember or someone asks you about a specific incident and where it happened, you just need to show them the timeline.
9. Be organised
Keeping all your evidence and documents organised is the easiest way to make sure you are building a strong case for yourself against your abuser. Make sure you have all the difference types of evidence you need, as well as supporting statements, and your cover letter. Keeping things organised means it will be harder for your abuser to get away with the abuse and for them to lie about you and your relationship in a court of law. Keeping your documents labelled with dates, times, names, and details will only make your case stronger. Also keep a note of important documents about shared assets and take copies of them for yourself.
10. Don’t lose hope
We know that living in an abusive relationship can be exhausting and trying to build a legal case against your abuser can be emotional, scary, and daunting at the same time. Remember, you can do it! You have the right to not have to live in an abusive home and building a strong case against your abuser is the first step towards living without fear. Whether or not you have decided what to do, it is always a good idea to keep evidence of what is happening in case you ever need it. Best of luck!
Nida Sheriff is the Manager of Chayn India & Chayn Executive Team. These tips have been taken from Chayn’s “How To Build Your Own Domestic Violence Case Without A Lawyer” guide which can be read here. Chayn is a charity that empowers women in Pakistan and India (Chaynindia.com) suffering from domestic violence.
Photo credit: Escapes by Tim Geers via Flicker by CC/2.0
