The week ahead beckons,
and we need to be ready for it to feel right.
For our specially feminist horoscopes, our resident tarot reader Madam Zeenat reads the Next World Tarot deck, which envisions a world where justice relies on respect and revolutionary love. And this week, the tarot images are by Katrina Rose.
April 9-15, 2018
Mar 21-Apr 20
The Sun is in your sign, The Sun is on your cards. Sing it like Kelis in Bossy, “Diamonds on my neck, diamonds on my grill”. This is the week to remind yourself you’re your own boss.
Love, confidence and joy are your weapons this week. With your own headstrong attitude at double its usual swag, you’ll learn all that love can accomplish. Try this experiment if you don’t believe us. If you made a booboo and someone charges at you all mad-like, give them a jaadu ki jhappi. They will actually drop their problem.
The Sun symbolises the kindest of all fires — the fire of life. It’s raw passion. It’s a fresh take. It’s light. If you want to work on a future plan for your life, this is the week to do it. The Sun enables you to be more ambitious, it shines light on paths that you may have never even noticed before.
If you’ve been hurting, you’re going to find something or someone to heal you. If you’ve been learning or building something new, take it for a test drive this week. You will get constructive feedback on the problems and encouraging praises for the successes.
Oh, and also, don’t be tempted to abuse this firepower. It will burn you too. It’s The Sun!
Apr 21 – May 21
Dear Bull-bull (geddit?), last week was the week you started strengthening your resilience. What happened? Sab khairiyat? Did you feel that taking that step was too risky yaniki what if you failed and things became worse than they already are?
The 2 Of Swords points to your denial. Now, this could either be you being stubborn and refusing to rebuild your immunity and stability. Or it could be that you’re not able to see some of the deadliest factors affecting your immunity and stability. If it’s the first, then drop the act already. Yaa chhodo yeh drama-shama aur kuchh aur karo yaar.
If it’s the second, it’s time to dig through the mountain of your insecurities and go looking for time capsules. Is a professional or personal relationship in your life not letting you feel secure? Is someone taking advantage of you? Or are you the one causing pain in someone else’s life?
No matter what you find, don’t be too hard on yourself. Accept your truths. Don’t try to fix them in haste! Remember, you like durable change. Just acknowledging the problems will start you off towards healing.
May 22 – June 21
Are you confusing the voice of your anxieties for your intuition, dear Gemini? This is really weighing you down, which is the exact opposite of the phooljari you are.
The Moon is here to help you locate your demons and destroy them. It’s like a UV lamp to the dandruff on your shoulders. No, not yours. You don’t have dandruff. Someone’s shoulders. But with a waning moon in the night sky this week (literally ends in a new moon), it is not going to be easy. Demon-finding and demon-killing is going to hurt like waxing. Without the moonlight, you might not even see your fears, anxieties and paranoias playing you from the shadows. We’d advise you to not make any big decisions this week.
In personal relationships, are you caving to some insecurity and committing to terms you’re not comfortable with? Are you following societal conditioning and not your heart? Remind yourself of who you are. Before you commit to anything, ask yourself, Where’s the fun in that?
At work, you need to stop underestimating yourself just because you didn’t succeed in the past. Don’t let that be an excuse to not follow your gut and do things the boring way. You don’t play to win, Gemini. You play because you love to play.
June 22 – July 22
Kekda babies, did you listen to Madam Zeenat last week and share yourself with the world around you? If you did, it will all come back to you this week when you need it the most. Because jab problem andar ho toh tumhaare trademark resilience ka achaar banaaoge?
The existential suffering that is life is going to come crashing on you. Your biggest ally, the moon in the sky, isn’t going to be much help because it’s waning.
It’ll be up to those around you to see and believe that you’re in pain. (See if you’d listened to Madam Z last week, they’d have already learnt to see and believe.) Pain aside, there’s also an upside to existential suffering — impending wisdom. The 5 Of Wands promises that if you promise to listen.
Professionally, it’s time to sit with your manager/mentor/boss and figure out a way to talk about what is unnecessarily draining you at work and how that can be resolved. If they’re unreceptive, add them to that list of things that drain you.
Your personal relationships are not safe this week. Look out for disagreements, fights and there may be pain. Don’t do anything rash. Wait it out, come back home and meditate about everything that went down. You’ll find your answers.
July 23 — Aug 23
We’re not going to beat around the bush, shera, this week is going to suck. The 5 Of Pentacles is a dark cloud. Personal loss. Financial instability. Heartbreak. Or just uncontrollable sadness. But all dark clouds are required to carry a proverbial silver lining though. And if we’re not wrong about the proverb, you will have to find that glimmer.
When you want something, sheru, you usually go at it alone and with a single-mindedness that is cold and cutting. Under a dark cloud, this can be difficult. It’s loss of faith that we’re dealing with here. Accept that or you will continue banging your head against a wall, hurt yourself and close ones too.
Your silver lining is your secondary power: Your innate ability to motivate everyone around you with your warmth. The 5 Of Pentacles usually means there are others around you who are going to be having a shitty week too — colleagues, friends, lovers. Work with them. Their improved moods and conditions in-turn will keep you fuelled up through the week.
Basically, this week, your life will be an episode of Battlestar Galactica. (Re)watch the first episode (titled 33, not the mini-series) and observe President Roslin and Captain Starbuck to prepare for the week ahead.
Aug 24 – Sept 22
First, congratulations! If you don’t know why we’re congratulating you, you must have missed celebrating a personal victory — a project completed to your extra-high levels of satisfaction, a course with flying colours, you finally understood what your partner has been trying to tell you for a while, you overcame a fear or anxiety. You deserve a double chocolate (dark, obviously) chip!
The 2 Of Wands is a threshold. You could either continue working on whatever path you won on or put on your medals from this last victory and find a new path to explore.
Career-wise, this is a great time to be looking for a new job (or even career) if you’ve been wanting to for a while. If you want to continue wherever you are currently in your professional life, engage in some celebrations. Take a holiday. Take your team out.
Relationships are just going to be at their fulfilling most this week. (Unless you’re a shitsicle.) They will be a swirly-dirly dream state of nostalgia, affection, and licking each other’s wounds. (Yes, sexual relationships will have some licking. Unless you know, you’re a shitsicle.)
Sept 23 – Oct 23
The part of your life that’s been off-balance is finding resolution. If you were here last week, we asked you to seek that asymmetry and give it a name. Looks like you’ve either found it or it has found you. The pendulum set in motion will find its stillness this week with The Star.
The Star is the birth of a planet. Like every newly-forming planet, you’re at a stage where what you do now will make the DNA of the life you will lead in the near future.
This is the week to set new goals for yourself at work as well as in your personal life. If you’re returning from a health issue, plan your new lifestyle to tackle it. If you’re recovering from a defeat at work, start working on a plan to tackle the problem at hand.
Personal relationships will benefit the most in this phase. Heartbreaks will begin healing. Commitments between your partners and you will be renewed and rewritten to be fair to both of you. Family will learn to back off or be more supportive — depending on your issues with them. You will come out of this week a better and wiser person, lovely Libran.
Oct 24 – Nov 22
Dear bicchhu, the theme of your week is Family & Community. According to The 10 Of Cups, “family” is made of those who you have given the privilege of being your family — people you share strong and intimate connections with. It’s time to look within you and find the proverbial mamata ka sagar (which shouldn’t be difficult considering you live for love).
My grandmum used to say that irrespective of whether your day’s been sunshine or shit, you need a tasty meal to celebrate having lived that day. It’s time to channel this wisdom. Have a good, long meal with those you work, live and love closest with. Get on a Skype date with that long-distance friend who you miss hard. Revel in having each other as allies.
If you can’t seem to find that love inside you this week, it probably means, you have been entirely at odds with people who you call your family and community. In which case, abort Project Mamata right now. Focus on yourself, maa! Go out if you feel you’ve been stuck indoors. Stay in and laze if you’re always out and about. By the end of the week, you’ll know what’s been wrong with your connections to your family. If it’s someone toxic, don’t hesitate to sting ‘em out.
Nov 23 – Dec 21
Something in your life has reached its climax, Ashwa-vyakti. Or you’re feeling done with that something. You’ve come out of it wiser and brighter. This something has quenched your thirst for making or being involved with something big and impactful, you Jupiter-loving nutjob. It’s time to move on.
The 10 Of Wands is here to remind you that you have to do full and final hisaab-kitaab before you get out and settle into a new stability. Make peace, pay your dues, get what you’re owed. Start making a new life.
At work, this could mean the end of a project or end of a role. Apologise to people who you’ve hurt and talk to those who have hurt you — of course, it happened in the throes of passion (or pressure) with or under which you were all working together.
In relationships, this could signify two things — the end of the honeymoon period, which means you have to now figure out life outside of chemicals, or the break-up, which means you have to now build your new self and life outside of that other person. Don’t make big decisions. As Juhi Chawla tells her patient (admirer) Govinda in Deewana Mastana, “Baby steps.”
Dec 22 – Jan 20
The question to ask yourself this week is, “Bacche ki jaan lega kya?” No, seriously. Write it on your arm with a marker and every time you’re about to make a decision, look at your arm. Ask yourself if the situation you’re in is demanding more of you than you have to offer.
Revolution wants you to survive. Write “No sacrifices, No martyrdom” on the other arm. Just to ensure you don’t do something stupid. You’re going to have a week full of trolley problems. And you’re going to need all the hosh-o-hawaa you can gather to ensure you don’t negotiate terms that are unfair to you or others.
At work, you’re going to be expected to choose between becoming a tyrant or a team player. Or you’ll be offered more glory in exchange of your personal life and time. A choice between measurable success and intangible emotional growth. You really need advice here?
In all your loves and relationships, look for disparity in investments that both sides are making in terms of emotions and time. Fix it or just end it. Don’t do drama and don’t take drama. Uska time ab ho gaya. #BetterLivingThruRevolution
Jan 21 – Feb 18
O Panhaare! Dekha hai ab ki baar, paani ki tanki mein pyaar. Tekketekeoon, tekketekeoon.
The Lovers are here to make you meet loves, lovers and if you’re lucky, love itself. Be prepared to feel heard, to feel like you belong, to feel alive.
You’re naturally vulnerable to emotions, which probably means, that this week you’re going to be overwhelmed by love. Maybe you’ll make new friends or renew an old friendship or two. Maybe your friends and family will walk that extra mile to show you they care for you deeply. Meet them halfway. Don’t be all shy and aloof and such.
You can try being all shy and aloof, but love will find you anyways. God invented WhatsApp for a reason (and it is not to send good morning forwards). If you’re going to be such a baby about it, don’t worry, you will explore different ways to love yourself. To masturbation and beyond!
No but seriously: If you’re caught in a lonely loop, don’t worry, it will prove productive. Start making art — doodle, take pictures, paint, write, compose, shoot, sculpt. It’s meditation, it’s therapy and it’s the way you’ll learn to love what’s really inside you.
Feb 19 – Mar 20
Macchhli stream of consciousness ki rani hai, jeevan uska roomaani hai. But when the moon is waning, you start feeling a little lost in that stream. But pyaari fishie, do not fear because The Magician is here.
The Magician is a trailblazer, leaving a trail of light in her wake. She will help you find your path using your own wisdom, creativity and sense of justice. Moon or no moon, it’s time to dart upstream, macchhi baby. Sometimes not sinking just means to fix the holes that are taking you down.
This is a great time to evaluate exactly what it is that you are doing at work. Are you actually doing something or just carrying dead weight? When you are lost like you are, your survival instincts kick in and you may start swimming in the opposite direction. The Magician asks you, “Scene kya hai? Goal woal tak pahaunchna hai ya ainvayi?”
In relationships, ask your partners if you’re hurting them by just not being there. You don’t have to physically not be there to not be there, you know that, right? If you want the relationship to survive, this is the week to start working on it. Varna, just let it sink.
(What did you think of our new specially feminist horoscopes looking into your coming week? Write to us your thoughts and we promise we’ll respond 🙂 email@example.com)