The week ahead beckons,
and we need to be ready for it to feel right.

For our specially feminist horoscopes, our resident tarot reader Madam Zeenat reads the New World Tarot Deck, which envisions a world where justice relies on respect and revolutionary love. And this week, the tarot images are by Katina Rose. 

June 25-July 3, 2018

This week, Madam Zeenat asks you if you’re ready to adult, discusses milkshakes, raitas, and how all fight sequences in action films are just dances.

Cancer

June 22 – July 22

Crabcake, the June 28 full moon combined with the upcoming July 12 solar eclipse and the Saturn retrograde is going to make this week a hellride of sadness, guilt and fear. All your inhibitions will announce a week-long sabha and you will be their chief guest. The full moon by itself will keep you resourceful so your life doesn’t fall to pieces.

Personal relationships will take a big hit because everytime you see someone, all you might see is the harm you may have caused them or the harm they may have caused you. Stick around the people you trust and love the most. That way, at least, all the healing and fixing will begin with trust and love. This is important because starting anywhere else will be like if your wound started healing with infection already in it.

The cards send you The Empress. She asks you to open your heart and forgive yourself first, then be ready to give the time to yourself for rebirth and nourishment. Till you do that, no matter how much ever love and forgiveness you get from the ones you’ve hurt or think you’ve hurt, won’t be enough. The Empress asks you, Are you doing this because you want to adult? Or is it just another game?

Leo

July 23 – Aug 23

Mercury in Hindi is called Budh, sometimes the son of Soma and Tara. And that idiot Mercury is going to try his best to be a buddhu in the best of situations this week. Just having him around is a good thing for communication, for negotiations, for business. But when he’s flitting between three parties: Uranus, Mars and Jupiter, it’s just chaos. Uranus brings about the constant duality of excitement and nervousness. Mars causes leaks in your internalised anger. Jupiter will make you lose track of the smaller details.

Work will need all the attention you have. Don’t take on more than you can handle. And then reduce it some more. It’s okay to slow down. Your friends, family and lovers might be confused about where everything is coming from.

The 2 Of Swords is here to ask you to check your denials, which of them are beginning to become destructive. Investigate the sources of your excitements, nervousnesses and internalised angers. Write them all down. Talk about them if possible. Remind yourself to be gentle else you might hurt yourself or others.

If you have a therapist, please make utmost use of your therapy session to break this down. This might not help how you’re feeling but you will at least understand yourself.

Virgo

Aug 24 – Sept 22

“If you were an alien side-character in a comic book, your name would probably be Verg and your catchphrase would be, “Blergh!” Verg, this week you’re going to get very few opportunities to say, “Blergh!” It’s like the imaginary walls built by societal conditioning will just fall, like the chorus of Rekha’s famous rebel yell from Khoobsurat.

Plus The 8 Of Wands has come running to you with boxes of aid and love and nature. She is running in slow motion and with violins, from across a bridge.

The June 28 full moon gives you the drive and resourcefulness you need to make real progress. Work is going to be fantastic. Mostly because it won’t matter which of your colleagues and bosses are with you or delivering to your expectations. But at work, The 8 Of Wands will help you get the best out of all your colleagues.

Vergie, this week, the relationships that are working will continue working and the ones that are not will see a light that will make you aware of all the layers at work. The 8 Of Wands will enable you to be emotionally available for the people you love. If you’re going through a fuck-all phase, then you’ll be able to step out of any false security blankets and share yourself.

Libra

Sept 23 – Oct 23

This week you’re the lead in a Hollywood action-thriller, which is aptly (by aptly, we mean true to your nature) titled The Balancer. Just like every Hollywood action-thriller, it will be light on your emotions and you’ll already know that you’ll survive the week. Also just like every Hollywood action-thriller, you know that the fight sequences are choreographed and the actors are all having a ball, much like dancing. Mercury is here to enable the balanced thinking you will need to have to look cool (isn’t it a requirement for all action leads?) as you go through your week.

There’s a little bit of Mars that might make your face look a little constipated every now and then but don’t worry too much about that. Spend that energy on a cool suit-up scene where you put on your creative tools, your self-care tools, all to some killer soundtrack.

What’s better than having The 9 Of Pentacles by your side as you forge through the week? Nothing really. She is going to give you the diligence, determination and self-checking that allows you to own your work without any hesitation. In the end, you won’t look at explosions but walk away in your diamond-covered boots.

Scorpio

Oct 24 – Nov 22

Ek chhutti, ek chhutti saala aadmi ko insaan banaa deti hai. Toh Scorpedo, yahaan-wahaan marna-maarna chhod de, aur apna targeting system seedha kisi chill island ke direction mein set kar. This is the perfect week for you to get out of everything you’re doing and find a sanctuary.

If you want to pack some loved ones with you in a bag and take them along, do take their consent. Kidnapping is still a crime, you know? Or you know, you can always send them a selfie from a hammock.

The 7 Of Swords is here to help you do things your own way. She insists on making compromises wherever you need to but go get that damn holiday. Just like Debbie Ocean, she’s run the simulation in her head 5000 times and knows all the outcomes and has found at least 3000 simulations where she gets away with the crime. Don’t make me spoil the movie for you though. There’s great learnings in there.

If work is killing you, take some of it with you. Abhi toh data aur roaming data dono saste ho gaye hain. Unless you’re that person who still hasn’t upgraded their plans to the new ones. (Shuttup and call your mobile service provider!)

Sagittarius

Nov 23 – Dec 21

Hold your horses this week. Speed ki koi zaroorat nahin hai. In fact, this week, it’s time to focus on the archer part of you. You have the target in your sight. You have a twangy bow and a quiver full of arrows. (Get yourself a tangy drink and go all twangy on that target.)

The magic of Mercury is such that it is going to help you communicate your needs and goals to everyone around you. Time to go after that promotion, pay hike or business deal you’ve been dodging for a bit just because you weren’t feeling confident enough.

In personal relationships, this is going to be a great week to start communicating your boundaries, what you like, what you don’t like. Your friends, family and lovers will respect your wishes and give you the space you need.

The 4 Of Wands is here to tell you that this is the first day of the rest of your life. And not in a cheesy way but this new life that you’re about to carve for yourself. She’s going to help everyone embrace you for who you want to become. What better? She’s going to help you stay grounded and not get overconfident on seeing things go your way.

Capricorn

Dec 22 – Jan 20

Bakarmachh, yeh kabhi socha thhaa that objects as bright as the Sun and the Full Moon will bring all the boys to your yard but not in a good way? They will come there and they will challenge your milkshake recipe. But if you have to learn anything from Kelis’ milkshake recipe, which she revealed 15 years after the release of her song, you’ll know that it’s a badass recipe.

The cards send you The Star to deal with all the naysayers. She will help you stay connected to your roots and not forget where you come from. And in the face of challenges, she will help you create vivid masterpieces that you couldn’t even imagine before.

So go about making your milkshake exactly how you like it. Picking up fights with people who come out of the woodworks just allows them to drag you into the woodworks or bring their woodworks to your yard.

At work, be patient with your bosses and in relationships, be patient with the people you love. They might not see how your milkshake is da bomb. Also, while they’re busy jibing at you or your milkshake, they might end up revealing that one good ingredient that will either make your milkshake better or even better: you’ll have TWO milkshakes.

Aquarius

Jan 21 – Feb 18

Yo, water tanker! Here’s the thing. This week, your jar of water contains raita not water. Matlab phaelne waala hai. Basically, you will be on a cycle (don’t ask why) and you will be carrying a potful of water, which you don’t know is actually raita. And then dhadaam, just like that, a small stone in your path will topple you off your bike and cycle bhi tooti aur raita bhi phael gaya.

At work, you will suddenly realise that you’ve been running so fast that either people don’t understand what you’re doing, or you’re hurting people or the project by not involving everyone.

Relationships waala raita is a lot more complicated than kaam waala raita. All lines are blurred and sometimes there’s boondi and pineapple in it as well and not just assorted veggies.

The 8 Of Cups is here to remind you to not peddle so fast. It’s okay, nobody is chasing you. And even if they are, so what? If they catch up with you, share some of that biryani you’ve been hoarding and serve them some raita along with it. Share karne se har biryani aur raite ka swaad badhta hai. Then we can all take a nice nap. What’s the point of furiously peddling like this?

Pisces

Feb 19 – Mar 20

I feel the word “serious” has received such a bad rep recently. Firstly toh people associate serious with being seriously ill. And then with the Heath Ledger Joker’s catchphrase, “Why so serious?” getting popular to the point of becoming a meme has led to everyone saying that constantly. Matlab sometimes, we do feel serious, serious as in solemn, thoughtful, reflective, vagaira, vagaira. Fishita, this week, you might have phases where you might feel serious. Don’t worry too much about it. Give into that feeling. It’s okay to be serious sometimes.

The cards send you The World. The World understands that “serious” means that you’re processing the world. The World helps you not lie and manipulate others as you struggle to find time to heal. They ask you to trust what’s coming and be happy about what’s complete.

At work, your colleagues might feel weird because people always assume serious to be unhappy or unmotivated. Tell them you’re fine and you’re just thinking through some stuff. Unless you feel that talking to them will help you think through stuff.

In relationships, not everyone you love or loves you might get your serious phase. It’s alright. Love is also around when you can just be quiet and do some reading or co-watching of stuffs.

Aries

Mar 21 – Apr 20

Venus is lounging around in furs this week and only for you, Ram-ti jogan. It creates an all-round good feeling for you and everyone around you. You will want to spend more and more time with everyone you love and enjoy being around. You will feel beautiful and affectionate and you will see everyone around you as beautiful and affectionate to you. And you and your loved ones will exchange knowing, smiling glances across rooms or even across messenger apps.

The cards send you The 2 Of Cups. The 2 Of Cups is here to help you use this time to its best potential. They ask you to believe in this moment of love and belonging, and not be cynical about it. If you’re feeling lost in life, this is where you choose a path that makes you feel safe, warm and gorgeous.

At work, spend a little time being grateful to everyone you work with. Invite them home for dinner. Or just order some snacks and get everyone to take a short break, eat, laugh and be merry.

In your personal life, buy pretty gifts for everyone. It doesn’t have to be something expensive. It can just be a bookmark that you feel your friend, lover or family member will love a lot.

Taurus

Apr 21 – May 21

In my 20s, my parents and a couple of my friends were always bugging me to start investing. I was like, please, I’m going to be young and energetic forever. Then when I hit my thirties, I hit a point of exhaustion and I’d saved nothing in that live-fast-die-young kinda way. Since then, everyone young person I meet, I recommend they invest somewhere or if not just have a second bank account where they put some money aside. I’m going to tell you the same thing, Baelwaan. And because stability is such a crucial part of your personality, best to look into it, na?

The cards send you The Knight Of Pentacles, also known as, the methodical approach. They ask you to not fall for what seems like immediate magic but take your time with everything. They ask you to indulge in a little moderation, stop and meditate, smell the flowers and the neighbour’s cooking (if not your own).

This is the week where you examine all the plans you have for stability in your future. If you don’t have any, make some. Talk to everyone you know and respect about the different directions for your future and what kinda investments (not just financial) you’ll need to make.

Gemini

May 22 – June 21

When I was a child, my parents got me this game called Hungry Hippos. The game basically entailed four adolescents, high AF on sugar, mashing buttons till all the balls were swallowed by the hungry hippos. This week, your mind is going to be a hungry hippo. You’re going to swallow every last ball of knowledge that you see in front of you.

Now, the thing with gobbling so much information is that it can cause an information overload. And we lose our ability to differentiate between intuition and anxiety. But that’s what The Moon is here to help with. She is going to be there, like therapeutic retreat, every time you’ll feel the overload coming.

At work, deep dive into whatever needs research and analysis. Your final reports will be deep, meaningful and insightful. This is also a great week to prepare for any exams, interviews, et al.

Relationships will have you absorbing every detail of every conversation you’ll have with your loved ones and blow their minds by providing correct insights or by pointing out the right gaps in the story they’ve told you.

Just remember: You don’t have to deal with everything in your face. Ask The Moon for help to prioritise and put some things off for later.