The week ahead beckons,
and we need to be ready for it to feel right.
For our specially feminist horoscopes, our resident tarot reader Madam Zeenat reads the Next World Tarot deck, which envisions a world where justice relies on respect and revolutionary love. And this week, the tarot images are by Katina Rose.
May 14-20, 2018
This week, Madam Zeenat draws the Empress, the Queen of Swords, the Chariot, The Fool, demon-semen, Karnataka’s birthday and more!
Mar 21-Apr 20
This week, a lot of big and small changes will start their life cycle. Some of them will be truly random. Don’t act surprised, you will scare them. Old foes might become friends for no apparent reason. You might start liking karela suddenly. Start learning the new rules.
If we were born in the 70s, we’d have quoted the Scorpions, “Take me to the magic of the da-da-da-da winds of change!” But we’re bitches from the 90s, so we know better and we’ll quote Dua Lipa here instead: “Practice makes perfect. I’m still tryna’ learn it by heart. Eat, sleep, and breathe it. Rehearse and repeat it.” #TherapyBitches
The Queen Of Cups will help you deal with the hard stuff with levity. Leaving some things behind, good or bad, can be tough. She’ll be great help in reflecting upon the phase that you just left behind.
At work, she wants you to ask are you doing what you wish to be doing in life? Start doing stuff that you want to do, not stuff that will make you what you want to be.
Apr 21 – May 21
Thankfully, it’s still your birth month. So you have the full power of the Sun helping you build a better, stronger version of you. To top that Mercury’s moving into Taurus before this week ends. Be prepared to suddenly find yourself open and vulnerable, Mercury is here to unclog your communication channels. There might be moments of confusion as the floodgates open.
Having the Sun in your home sign while this is happening just means that whatever you learn about communication in this period, it’s going to become a part of your architecture. That along with Judgement on your cards more or less means that you’re going to have a tough week — emotionally and intellectually.
With Mercury shining its blinding light on everything you’d left unheard or unsaid, this week onwards, May is going to feel like an online personality quiz which measures your morality and wisdom.
At work, defer and procrastinate taking calls and decisions by at least an hour this week. Nobody’s going to die (unless you’re a doctor). Spend some time alone with the problem.
In romance and relationships, if you learn something horrible about yourself, don’t aggravate that by losing your shit. If you learn something horrible about your partner, get out of the way without causing a scene.
May 22 – June 21
Brace yourselves, Mercury is coming. Mercury is the planet of communication as well as your mothership. The last few weeks of sadness is going to go off the window this week onwards. Two things: Better times are here AND you will be able to talk about what you’re feeling in ways that are a lot more lucid. Don’t just talk, also listen. Communication also implies listening. Else you’ll just be that bitter uncle who says, “Tota bolega toh bologe ki bolta hai.”
The Fool is here to give you a new shot at picking your narrative in life. The Fool is going to ask you to start with no assumptions. He felt taken for granted by the systems that be and decided to say, Fuck it. It’s time to seek that familiar feeling of warmth and excitement from everything you do. All of this is going to light up in the week after with the Sun in your sign.
At work, The Fool asks you to deconstruct your role and minimise or delegate the things that take you away from the creative parts of your job. If your job doesn’t involve any creativity, start looking for new things to do.
You are going to start behaving better in your relationships this week. Your partners will appreciate you losing the shell of your insecurities, giving and receiving love like it was your birthright.
June 22 – July 22
Kekdasura, how was your adventure last week? Did you find any treasure? Did you rescue any kingdoms? Did you loot an oppressive nobleman’s ship? Did you meet a love interest that makes you want to go bungee jumping
With an empty moon moving to Taurus right at the beginning of this week, you’re going to find your heart torn between going bungee jumping or building the foundation for your future. While we feel, you should go bungee jumping, The 3 Of Wands wants you to come back to mundane hard work after the adventure.
The 3 Of Wands wants you to focus on your work, on knowledge, on learning how to take care of yourself. At work, start figuring out how to increase your productivity. If your head and desk are too cluttered, start finding an hour everyday to help you organise and prioritise all that you need to get done. Give yourself an appropriate number of well-timed breaks.
If you really, really, really want to go bungee jumping, don’t just make it about the thrills. Make it a learning trip. At least learn more about the physics and engineering of how the bungee jumping station is setup and how it works, how do you not just drop off and die.
July 23 — Aug 23
Chingam (like sher as in singham, rhymes with chewing gum), the Sun is moving into Gemini at the end of this week. That’s going to stretch you thin like a chewing gum. It might feel like everything and all sides are on fire but chill, actually, they’re not.
So dear Chingam, the big challenge this week is going to be finding your focus, which you are usually very good at. At work, your beliefs as a leader will be challenged. You will wonder if, sometimes, micromanagement isn’t bad. (Nothing is bad as long as it gets work done)
In relationships, you’ll be torn between many partners needing you. You will feel like your loyalties are being tested. Relax, everyone knows you’re good for your word. If they don’t, either they will see your glory by the end of the week or you really didn’t give a shit about them.
Either ways, don’t worry, Death has your back this week. She will either make sure you get front row seats (unscathed) to the explosion that is going to be your life. Or she will just be like period sex, bathing the demon-semen in blood. (Too gory? Koi nahin, koi nahin.) And you will come out of it as everyone’s hero.
Aug 24 – Sept 22
Toh my best friend from office, Jigna, is a non-vegetarian Gujarati. This means that every Navaratri, Jigna is reminded by her mother not to eat non-veg. Jigna loves to eat mutton and fish at the (Bengali) pujo pandals.
Navaratri 2016: She just couldn’t take lying to her mom and instead, asked her, “Mummy, why do Bengalis serve meat outside durga puja pandals? They’re also Hindus like us only, no?”
This week, iss kahaani mein maa ka kirdaar nibhaayenge aap. Your natural tendencies are like Jigna’s mother — fierce, perfectionist and purist. But when your birth planet enters Gemini later this week, you will be thrown into a world of dualities.
What worked at work may start yielding unexpected results. What worked in relationships may meet unexpected turn of events and the rules might change. You’ll have choices to make where neither will seem wrong.
Thankfully, sitting in Gemini, you can talk to people you’re close to about the choices you will need to make. And The 6 Of Cups is a great companion for dualities. They help you remember the stories and wisdoms of your past, your family and friends. And if all else fails, there’s always the path less traveled by.
Sept 23 – Oct 23
Dukh bhare din beete re, ab sukh aayo re! Rang jeevan mein nayaa laayo re! Libreshwari, I hope you didn’t think that sukh meant money. Sukh is security. With Venus moving into Cancer right in the middle of the fucking week, your relationships are going to start feeling like teflon. (Even if they’re mush on the inside.)
People say love, art, music, etc add colour to life. Without security, there’s no canvas to add the colour too. Everything is just another part of the dark and deep abyss.
This is also a phase of short-term financial security, so don’t jeopardise the future by making bad investments like you know, those shoes. Or that jacket. Or that 7500 rupee juicer.
With confidence and security under your belt and The Moon on your cards, it’s time to try some magic at work. Don’t play safe at work this week. Throw yourself into running projects. Propose your bigger and more riskier ideas. And watch yourself as you get shit done.
The Moon reminds you that a period of security is a good time to introspect without self-hate and shame. Use this time. Find out what’s been thriving under your skin, making you hate yourself, making you numb. Scrub it off.
Oct 24 – Nov 22
Desert lobster, the thing is that you have two father-in-laws yaniki governing planets. Pluto (astrologically-speaking still a planet) is chilling Capricorn so you’re okay. But Mars is about to take a dip in Aquarius’ pot of water right at the beginning of this week. With Mars in Aquarius, you tend to become very passionate about loyalty. Negative side-effect: You might sting passersby on suspicion of betraying people or projects you’re passionately loyal to.
The good thing is that this is a great time at work to show your team that you’re with them. You will actually mean it when you say that to them and then you will go ahead and prove it. It will blow their minds, we promise.
Romance and relationships have the fear of being hurt by your jealous side or defensive side, which is stoked by your passionate loyalty. The Queen Of Swords is here to remind you to treat them with fairness and respect. Your heart isn’t to be trusted this week so trust yourself to be fair. In our times of cult of personality, it’s always good to question your loyalty.
PS: Karnataka, you’re a Scorpio — November 1 is Karnataka Day — and elections are this week. You know what to do. Be fair, not passionately loyal.
Nov 23 – Dec 21
When I was a young girl, I had this problem. Whenever I fell for someone as a person — including and excluding romantically — I’d hound them. Across mediums. I’d be a wreck if they didn’t return my ping or didn’t want to hang out. In a few instances, when I didn’t know where that someone was, I called them incessantly till I found out. Once I even called everyone we knew in common.
Then one day, I was hanging with a friend and we were telling stories of how much tortured we were by our parents’ over-protectiveness. And in the middle of a story, I realised that my mum and dad were behaving like exactly how I treated my friends and lovers. And I started crying. Just like I drifted away from my parents than set boundaries, they drifted away from me.
So Mx Straightshooter, this is a great week to look at how you love and are loved, how you have loved and how you have been loved. The Chariot is going to help you do that without lashing out at people who you will suddenly start seeing as people who oppressed you or people you have oppressed. She’s going to help you express yourself, communicate your boundaries to your loved ones without lashing out.
Dec 22 – Jan 20
With your karta-dharta Shani sitting in your house, you are the most you that you ever are. This means that your strengths are stronger and your weaknesses are weaker. Matbal ki mood swings. With Mercury sitting in Taurus and at a 120 degree angle to your Shani, the noak-jhoak between the two is going to cause ripples in these extreme mood-swings that you’re having.
You are most possibly going to tell everyone you meet exactly how you feel and in full detail — something that you’re not really used to. The good news is that due to your amphibious nature, you know when to go back into the water and listen to others sharing their feelings too.
The 9 Of Wands asks you to be kinder in relationships but don’t fear losing your shit at work. You’ll make up for your public meltdown by getting everyone ice cream as soon as your mood shifts again. It’s a great time for one-on-one catch-ups because on seeing you vulnerable, people will respond. Assholes don’t count.
The 9 Of Wands promises that by the end of this week, your life will move towards becoming more — I hate this word because it’s a faith industry jargon — holistic. You will come out feeling more connected to everyone around you who matters.
Jan 21 – Feb 18
There is a good chance you’re going to waltz into this week like an item number from the 90s — thrust first. Right at the beginning of the week, you have Mars entering Aquarius. Mars is the god of passionate love. The love that makes people commit crimes of passion. Toh keep a bottle of jigarthanda with you at all times.
This week, your work will be affected only if you’re having an office flirtation or romance. Else you will dance your way through the work week. If your job is boring, make it more exciting by dance-walking around the office. Crowdsource a playlist and play it on your laptop speakers for everyone around you to enjoy.
The Empress wants you to own the space around you. If it’s not been feeling homely, spend some creative energy to make it so. Get a plant, get a painting, get some knicknacks. Redecorate.
Put all the passion that Mars brings with it in yourself not in your relationships. With your home shining like a torch, people around you will be attracted to you, will feel positive and warm about and around you. Your passion will inspire them and keep you from becoming a criminal.
Feb 19 – Mar 20
As Uranus leaves, the effects of your ruling planet Neptune, which has been chilling with you for a while now, will start to become more prominent. This means that you will finally stop feeling like a fish out of water — Neptune is also the god of sea.
We’ve established before that water is your stream of consciousness. So when you’re suddenly flooded with so much water, there’s bound to be a few big things that have been happening but will be visible in a new light. You’ll recognise new dreams and inspirations, which you’ve kept hidden for a while. There’s the risk of drowning in an illusion so be careful.
The Ace Of Pentacles is here to help you recognise the wealth of consciousness that has just made itself available to you and not get confused by it. The Ace Of Pentacles is like a shrine to being grounded and using that foundation to build new things.
At work, start visualising where you see yourself in the long term and life will start manifesting differently. In the beginning, there will be compromises because you can’t just switch streams like that. But we won’t call them compromises. It’s just logical that you have to fulfil your current commitments before launching towards self-fulfilment.
(What did you think of our new specially feminist horoscopes looking into your coming week? Write to us your thoughts and we promise we’ll respond 🙂 email@example.com)