By Sneha Rajaram
Have you heard of Bharat Matrimony’s latest Twitter contest? It’s called #MyWifeToBe. There are 20 questions, and the best answer to each wins a gift voucher worth Rs 1,000. The questions ask men to justify the expectations they have of their future wives. The winners were declared on Saturday and their gift vouchers were sent off.
Our friend Balwant is upset that he didn’t win the contest; in fact, he’s furious. He’s asked us to publish his answers so that the world can compare them to the winning answers and know that there’s something wrong with Bharat Matrimony’s judges:
Question 1: Why would a supporting wife be the best thing to happen to you?
The Winning Answer: A supporting wife makes the foundation of marriage strong like a pillar with her strong support and faith.
Balwant’s Answer: Because every Batman needs a butler.
Question 2: Is not being as religious as your wife an issue in a marriage? Why?
The Winning Answer: It’s alright as long as you both are compatible together and love each other truthfully.
Balwant’s Answer: On the contrary, it’s a plus. Now she can help my mother with all the festival day chores.
Question 3: Why do you feel it’s important for your wife to live with you in a joint family?
The Winning Answer: Joint family teaches us the importance of family and how to live a life with family affection.
Balwant’s Answer: It’s important because #IAmImportant. And because I don’t have to play nice and talk to anyone in my family any more – she’ll be my daily ventriloquist.
Question 4: Tell us why someone who doesn’t treat your parents well isn’t meant for you.
The Winning Answer: Because someone who can’t treat my parents well, how will she treat me well?
Balwant’s Answer: Because marriage means not having to cut your mother’s toenails when she’s old.
Question 5: Why your wife shouldn’t be upset whenever you order food from restaurants.
The Winning Answer: I am not against her cooking but to show off that I am caring for her.
Balwant’s Answer: Because the hashtag is #MyWifeShouldNot, not #IShouldNot.
Question 6: It’s important for your wife to be friends with your female best friend. Tell us why?
The Winning Answer: Friends are friends…male or female…trust between each other is above all these.
Balwant’s Answer: It’s important because #IAmImportant. And because between the two of them, they can work out exactly how I like my aloo paratha. #Harems #AmIRite
Question 7: Why is it not important for your wife to choose what you wear?
The Winning Answer: A man and woman have different tastes and it’s very important to have your own identity that reflects in the way you dress.
Balwant’s Answer: Because my mother has always done it.
Question 8: Why do you feel your wife should equally contribute to financial expenses?
The Winning Answer: It’s our responsibilities now…cause we share our responsibilities with each other not only feelings!
Balwant’s Answer: Because #MyWifeShould. And yes, equally. Not a penny less. Because the damn #DowryWasn’tEnough.
Question 9: Tell us why your wife should understand your unconditional love for your mother?
The Winning Answer: Because tomorrow when she has kids, she will go through the same phase and realise the connection between a mother and her son!
Balwant’s Answer: Because #MyWifeShould. And because she’ll have to sleep in the hall when my mother comes to visit, so my mother can sleep next to me.
Question 10: Why watching live cricket on TV is as important as your wife’s TV serials.
The Winning Answer: If serials are her love, cricket is our love and we should share love equally. Equal love leads to happy life.
Balwant’s Answer: It’s important because #IAmImportant. And because she doesn’t watch TV serials anyway, she’s too busy #MyWifeShoulding.
Question 11: Tell us why forgetting dates & anniversaries in a marriage isn’t the end of the world.
The Winning Answer: If you forgot one day it’s okay because you have 364 more days to celebrate. So enjoy it.
Balwant’s Answer: Because do you remember the anniversary of the day on which you acquired that new dishwasher? Vacuum cleaner? Microwave? Washing machine? Your parents’ post-retirement health care plan?
Question 12: It’s important for you to have a day out with your buddies too. Tell us why.
The Winning Answer: As a car can’t move without tyres so I can’t move without friends.
Balwant’s Answer: It’s important because #IAmImportant. And because then I can come home at midnight and wake her up to reheat her chicken curry. Why should she reheat it? Because #MyWifeShould. And because microwaves will give me cancer.
Question 13: Why is it not important to be romantic every second of the day?
The Winning Answer: Saying “I love you” does not really mean a thing if it’s being said all day. It must be made a special moment.
Balwant’s Answer: Because “support” is more important, remember? Pillars ≠ Romance unless you’re Samson-Delilah.
Question 14: Tell us the household chores that your wife should help you with.
The Winning Answer: #MyWifeToBe could pass me the tools to repair any appliance, just like a nurse helps the doctor in any operation.
Balwant’s Answer: Because #MyWifeShould. And aww. It’s okay. My only household chore is to make a list of household chores for her to do. She doesn’t need to help me with that.
Question 15: Why it’s okay for you to be in the passenger seat while she drives.
The Winning Answer: Because she is indeed the driver of my life! What’s the shame in that!
Balwant’s Answer: So that I have time to make up the above list of household chores.
Question 16: Tell us why your wife should not mind if you still love playing on your PS3.
The Winning Answer: I’ll allow her to watch Saas-Bahu serials!!! So she’ll be happy and should allow me to enjoy too!
Balwant’s Answer: Because #MyWifeShouldNot. And because it’s sooo boring, talking to her while she makes dinner. I need entertainment too.
Question 17: Tell us why your wife should accept all your friends.
The Winning Answer: Friends are also family, so she should accept my family.
Balwant’s Answer: Because #MyWifeShould. And because I’ll pay her extra to cook for them…LOL. Not really. #AFreeWife is #AFreeCook.
Question 18: Tell us why your wife should support you if you wish to start your own business someday?
The Winning Answer: Like we know behind every successful man there’s a woman. She can be my lucky charm in planning my future.
Balwant’s Answer: Because #MyWifeShould. And because then she could abandon her sense of self (in favour of her supportive role in my business) and become a true Buddhist.
Question 19: Your future wife should be okay with having a simple wedding. Tell us why?
The Winning Answer: We could save a fortune on expenses, donate a sum to the needy, thereby starting a new life with good karma.
Balwant’s Answer: Because #MyWifeShould. And because #IfSheReallyLovesMeShe’llDoWhatIWant.
Question 20: If your job took you abroad, tell us why your wife should be OK settling abroad?
The Winning Answer: She loves me, not the place, so she will be happy to settle with me anywhere in this world.
Balwant’s Answer: Because #MyWifeShould. And because I’ll be doing her a favour, getting her away from her oppressive in-laws’ joint family – the one I made her adjust to. #FryingPanIntoForeign
Meanwhile, Shaadi.com is holding a Twitter contest of their own, which started at noon yesterday, along the lines of their new TV commercial. It ends at 5 pm today. This contest actually sounds promising, though we suspect the participants’ answers won’t exactly be rending the fabric of marriage in two, as Bertha Rochester tore Jane Eyre’s wedding veil. Keep an eye on them for us here, will you?
And last but not least, we’re sure you have better answers than Balwant’s. Come on, don’t be shy! What are your answers to Bharat Matrimony’s 20 questions?