By Eena Meena
Note:Wondering what this is all about? Yesterday we ran an essay by Crimson Kitty Kutty called Sex Sucks for Me and Now I’ll Tell You Why I’m Not Doing it Again.
I just read this, which is all about the bad sex that women undergo and that men inflict and phalana dimkana. So indignant did this article make me that I put aside my current drug of choice, to wave my hand around frantically on the internet saying “I HAVE GREAT SEX! It is very straight, very great sex!”
Let me be clear – I agree with you, Writer of this Article: there is lots of shitty porn in the world that portrays women and their orgasms and whatnot in hilariously untrue terms. There are, I’m sure, lots of men in the world that think that they are Fantastic At Sex because they can perfectly imitate the men in aforementioned shitty porn. But you do not need to go looking on some niche site, or sites that are specifically directed at women, to find really sexy, really good porn that shows women having a great time and men enjoying themselves along with. You just go to YouPorn and it’s there on page 1: women getting eaten out by men who seem to be enjoying themselves (and let me tell you, they look like they’re fucking good at it); men using their tongues on other parts of women’s bodies, including, unsurprisingly, their tits; men slow-fucking women, because, again unsurprisingly, this feels good for both parties. It’s all there, and I would add links to prove it, but then I’d never get this finished.
And yes, I agree with you – there is a lot of violent porn that involves men being cruel to women and being violent and all of that, but why you gotta diss people who are into niche type sexy-times in order to make your point about fucked up gonzo-porn and torture-porn? I mean, okay, you don’t like BDSM or rape-y roleplay, but I’m sure you can tell the difference between and among all of these things, no?
But forget about the porn. It’s not really important; it’s just that it’s great when women discover that porn can be exciting for them too, and I’m happy to help fill up your spank bank. What’s more important is this declaration that men are bad at sex. You seem to know the wrong men, lady. Or maybe I know all the right ones, because all of them are all about inclusivity in their sexy-times. It’s not a party until everyone is having fun, y’know what I’m saying? They like eating pussy; they like gratifying us, their partners, and hearing our satisfaction; they want to know what works for us and what doesn’t; they, fundamentally, like women. Am I just a lucky girl, or are you just being belligerent? Perhaps a bit of both. But either way – and I’m all about fighting the patriarchy and the lack of gender equality etc – all of this crapping on men and their inability at good sexing is not going to make anyone want to be better at it if they aren’t doing it right.
And let me tell you, my orgasms, they are many things, but rarely are they super chill. They are often loud and spectacular, involve lots of writhing, and if they’re 7 seconds long, then man, those are the longest seven seconds I ever experience (over and over, and over…)
This is not to say that all women have orgasms like this, or that all of my orgasms are like this. I’m saying that your orgasms and mine, they can co-exist – there’s all kinds of orgasms just like there are all kinds of women, and some women do, in fact, come through vaginal penetration. Some women don’t, but enjoy vaginal penetration so much that they’ll forego the destination for the journey, if you catch my drift. And still other women may not enjoy vaginal sex, but get off on making their partners feel good, and so they grow to like it. So maybe cool it with all the blanket statements about what gets women off and what doesn’t?
But you’re right – The Patriarchy makes it all worse for all genders. And even you know that it’s no one dude’s fault, so what use in blaming a spate of bad lovers for the fault of a system that is not built, really, in anyone’s favour? (I mean yes, thoda bohot in favour of men, but I’m sure, at some point, even they get bored of sex that’s essentially masturbating inside a vagina instead of a hand)
Anyway. I’m sorry the bad sex has put you off. But you know the saying, you gotta kiss a bunch of frogs before you find one that licks your clit just right.