The week ahead beckons,
and we need to be ready for it to feel right.
For our specially feminist horoscopes, our resident tarot reader Madam Zeenat reads the New World Tarot Deck, which envisions a world where justice relies on respect and revolutionary love. And this week, the tarot images are from The Hardy Tarot Deck.
June 18-June 24, 2018
This week, our in-house band — Madam Zeenat and The Voices — sing the Shaan title track, dance the locomotion, dial wrong numbers and narrate a heist movie.
May 22 – June 21
Pyaar karne waale, pyaar karte hain shaan se, jeete hain shaan se, marte hain shaan se, ae ae ae ae. Venus ke nayan are going to bhidaao taka with Mars ke nayan this week. And the only languages that these two speak in are love, passion and beauty. You’re going to want to spend more and more time with people you love, especially love romantically and that time is going to be awesomesauce.
The thing to look out for is work though. Because the same combo that’s going to make your personal life the best is also going to make you disgustingly competitive. It will piss off your friends and feed your enemies. (Frenemies will be confused but who cares about them, right?). So unless you like to get high on the rush of frothing enemies and meh friends, I’d say what I’ve said to every speeding driver I’ve ever met, “Bhaiyya, dheere.”
The good thing is that The Queen Of Cups is here to help you. She’s going to shower your relationships with lights and joy. Mhanje sonay pe suhaga. At work, she’s going to allow your colleagues to trust you and let you do your thing while helping you unleash every last bit of your potential into your work.
June 22 – July 22
Kekdaben (yes, you’re Gujarati this week), your birth month is upon us. And Uranus and Sun are the jodidaars that will turn you into a social butterfly. This week will be a week of pleasant surprises and people who will excite you. You will go to at least one party. (Stop making excuses and just go, okay?) Toh kekdaben, tayyar chho?
The other good thing that comes out of the Sun-Uranus combination, Kekdaben, is that you will learn more about yourself, come closer to knowing parts of yourself you did not even know existed. (They might just be the people who will excite you but who knows.)
This is a great week to take feedback from your bosses and colleagues. This is also a great week to be doing teamwork. So if there’s any project on your plate that needs more than one person to get it done, call them all!
The 9 Of Wands is going to turn you into a watchtower for all those lost in the social scenes you step in and out of. People are going to gravitate towards you. At work, you’re going to make the more relaxed of the available choices. That and the Uranus-Sun combo will make you everyone’s favourite team-maker.
July 23 — Aug 23
“Helloji. Sheru this side. May I know who is speaking?” — “Main bol riya hoon, bakri hai kya?” — “Woh hum khaa gaye.” — “Kya?” — “Abbe wrong number!”
Don’t be surprised if you receive or dial at least one wrong number every day of the week. It’s just that you are going to want to connect so badly with some people and some people will so badly want to connect with you that some of them are bound to be wrong numbers.
Other potential symptoms of this week: selfishness and short temper. I mean you are a sher and your parent is the sun so short temper toh you must be used to only, na? It’s the selfishness that will cause rifts in some parts of your life so be careful.
But do not fear because The 4 Of Pentacles is here. She will program your brain to share. She will help you evade greed. And coming to wrong numbers, she asks you, “Why you getting all these wrong numbers? Are you in the wrong home? Are you on the wrong phone?”
The 4 Of Pentacles is all about defining the idea of home. Use her help this week, figure out why all these wrong numbers and cross connections are happening.
Aug 24 – Sept 22
The person who said, “First impression is the last impression” was either a coloniser or has sycophants for friends. The sun is here to up your confidence and keep you self-motivated. Add to that: You will be riding the productivity wave from last week. This is going to be an impression of you that’s going to last you a while, so don’t worry about whatever people thought of you till now.
This is also a great week to get to whatever work-life balance you aspire to. Mostly because the Sun is going to help you keep the two separate. You won’t carry baggage from work to your friends, family and lovers and vice versa. A good way to draw the line between work and life is to get yourself something nice like food or flowers on your way back from work and vice versa.
The beauty of it all is that The Ace Of Swords is here too. It gives you the power to influence how everything moves at work and in your personal life. If you’re an idiot, you’ll see this as a weapon. If you’re brighter, you will use the weapon to protect. If you’re wiser, you will see this as a tool to create beauty in your work and in your life.
Sept 23 – Oct 23
When I first moved to Delhi, it was summer. I had only heard that Delhi gets hot and dry but had no clue how hot and dry. One afternoon, when everyone from office was avoiding going out but wanted lassis, I volunteered. I have never felt dizzy any faster. I could feel water evaporate from my skin, my head spun and my stomach went for a toss. All this in 20 minutes. I dropped all the lassis at office and ran home. That’s what the Sun is going to be doing to you and your interactions with people this week. Suck the life and harmony out of them.
At work, your bosses are going to make your life feel like that time you were sitting for your board exams — high pressure with great stakes for your goals. If you’re planning on fighting back, it will only waste time. Better to just sink your teeth into the task at hand and persevere through it.
The cards send you The Lovers this week to deal with the pressure. They will provide the electricity that will wire you up to handle all the contrasting energies that bring about disharmony. They remind you that while everything feels like it’s about to esplode, love will keep us alive.
Oct 24 – Nov 22
This week is going to feel like you’re in a heist movie, not the gritty kind but the stylish kind like the Ocean’s franchise. Everything is flowing smoothly including the background music. You are wearing fantastic clothes, eating fantastic food, and explaining and executing your fantastic plans with no real glitches. Co-conspirators will be convinced easily. Goals will be reached haste-khelte.
In your personal life, everyone you meet will tell you something about yourself. Like not directly as if it was an evaluation meeting, but through words (yours and theirs), through reactions (yours and theirs), through foods you experiment with. Yes, experiment with food this week. Find and try cuisines you’ve never had.
The 6 Of Cups will help you be your most powerful, youthful and just self. It will help you understand all the loves you share with everyone around you and what each of those loves means to them and you. Think of all the good phases from your life, think about how you may have hurt some people in your life while you were having a good time. All it asks is for you to not repeat those mistakes while you go about pulling off the smoothest heist in the history of Las Vegas.
Nov 23 – Dec 21
Sagi-ji (pronounced sajiji), you know how we used to think the word “mental” meant “crazy”? And then we learnt that mental is just an adjective for everything to do with the mind? Remember that when I say this week is going to be mental. Your head’s going to be clouded with contrasting ideas, fighting each other to death. Or you’ll be engaged in a battle of ideas with your competitors. Much like the Cola wars from the 90s. Such fun with ideas, building on top of one another.
There are two ways to see this, as Devdutt Pattanaik says in his book on business (as mansplained to me by my MBA type ex-boyfriend): “Zee, one way is rannbhoomi (battlefield) and the other is rangabhoomi (playground). A battlefield has winners and losers. A playground has collaborators, who despite sides, build together and have fun.”
The cards send you conscious levity in the form of The Sun. The Sun helps you remember that you are in charge of your ability to love. So enable yourself. When everything is fighting everything in your exterior and interior life, The Sun will help you grow with the help of joy, confidence and revolutionary self-love. Most importantly, this week, don’t forget to sleep well — at least 8 hours everyday.
Dec 22 – Jan 20
This week looks like you’ve ended up wrapping yourself in the barbed wire of conflict from last week rather than cut through it. That’s alright, we’re living in a screwball comedy anyway. Thankfully, last week The Page Of Swords ensured that you found shelter or at least iodine to disinfect the bruises and some painkillers.
And don’t worry, The Knight Of Cups is here and he’s nothing if not a love song to be sung as you get out of the pain. Seriously, make a playlist of your favourite love songs and keep them on loop. He will find you a way out which will not only be an escape but also a way to heal while you get out.
In conflicting relationships, The Knight Of Cups asks you, what is it that you really want and need from the partners you’re having problems with? And then ask your partners the same question. Most times, conflicts come out of both sides not being able to provide what the other needs. That is really no reason to be at odds with each other.
At work, just take a pause. You will need outside intervention. Involve people with more experience than you to help out.
The key to this week, bakarmacchh, is to listen and not bakar much.
Jan 21 – Feb 18
I learnt a fantastic word in my time in Bombay. It’s called “maandavli”, which was the end of all negotiations as in, “Naa tera, naa mera, maandavli kar lete hain,” where neither party wins but both parties leave happy that they got a pretty decent deal. This is the week of maandavli for you. Maandavli is not just compromise. It’s stability, between whimsical dreams and logical commitments.
The Ace Of Pentacles is here to help you achieve the state of maandavli in all your transactions with people — be it in relationships or work. It will enable you to empathise with the other person’s point of view.
You know how you and your housemate, family, lover (or whoever you’re sharing your house with) have always fought about what colour to paint that wall or whether cushions and curtains should match or not? This is the week to have all those conversations. They’ll be peaceful and loving, and thanks to The Ace Of Pentacles, even healing of your relationship.
At work, pay special attention to people who don’t agree with you about work things like direction of a project, design decisions and other how-to’s, where-to’s, what-to’s that make work work. At least one of the points they’re making makes sense. Don’t lose out on that.
Feb 19 – Mar 20
Paaplet darling, how are things going to go this week? I’d say, swimmingly. After all, you are at your best when you’re swimming, aren’t you? At some point in this week, if you don’t go around poking your nose at dangling bait, you will find your inner balance. You can test it out by jumping on a trampoline.
When the waters are calm and you’re swimming happily through them, you are bound to be extra productive, extra creative, extra extra! The smile on your face and the happiness in your disposition will be infectious and everyone from your bosses to your juniors will catch it.
Relationships will see you in a new light. You will be the center of all your loves and you will be able to help everyone who comes to you looking for a friend, philosopher and hugs.
The Page Of Pentacles is here to make you take full advantage of this mood. She’s going to shower you with ideas that you’d never have thought of otherwise. She’s going to pump up your swagger and make you feel like you belong wherever you go and whatever you do. The Page Of Pentacles asks you to do at least one thing that’s outside of your comfort zone.
Mar 21-Apr 20
Ram-a taai, what’s up? I can see that you’ve sharpened your horns, there’s a fire in your eyes and you are ready to charge towards your goals. Means mostly you will get through and achieve them, especially when it comes to business and fitness.
Yes, time to figure out an exercise/yoga/meditation routine or even a gym membership. If you’re already a workoutaholic, then you should push yourself at least 20 percent harder. Like do 12 sets instead of 10. If you don’t know where to start, I recommend a couple of sets of the Catwoman workout by Neila Rey. Tell me when you hit the clam shells.
At work, you have to be careful of yourself though. You will definitely break through all barriers and get the work done, but you don’t want to end up hurting your client/manager or your teammates. Involve them. Especially the client/manager because no matter how well you do your job, if the client is not happy, you will have to rework parts of it.
The cards send you The Chariot. She’s here to help you nurture your goals and everyone around you. She forgives aggressions and transgressions and finds you an alternate path to your goals.
Apr 21 – May 21
Have you heard the 1962 hit The Loco-motion by Little Eva or its 1988 remake by Kylie Minogue? It’s about a dance move called the locomotion. See the first link on how to do it. It’s important, trust me. Now replace the word locomotion with the word motivation and keep doing the step. All week. That’s what this week has for you: A whole lotta motivation.
Friends, family, lovers, colleagues, everyone will be cheering you to the finish line with their fists in the air. Like even when you’re having sex, your partner will be like, “Yeah, you can do it! You can get there! Yes, yes! Get to the gasm!” Jokes aside, don’t shun this motivation because you’re like, “I’m a bull, mereko kaun rokega?” Baahubali dekhi hai naa? Har bael ko roknewala ek Bhallaladeva kahin na kahin paida hota hai. So be grateful to everyone who has your back this week. And be prepared to have theirs when they’re feeling like they’re in a corner.
The 3 Of Cups is here to ensure you understand what kinda wild party and love it takes for everyone to push you forward. So don’t be all escapist at any point in this social setting. Instead immerse yourself in laughter and discovery.