The week ahead beckons,
and we need to be ready for it to feel right.
For our specially feminist horoscopes, our resident tarot reader Madam Zeenat reads the Next World Tarot deck, which envisions a world where justice relies on respect and revolutionary love. And this week, the tarot images are by Katina Rose.
June 4-June 10, 2018
This week, Madam Zeenat draws the Hanged Woman, Justice, blockage by Shani, shoulder aunties and the burning need to listen to the Eye of the Tiger!
Mar 21-Apr 20
Pharaoh Ram-ses LXIX, let me tell you one katha. Once I was crying in an auto and the driver (an MA in Hindi) decided to recite a poem for me, “Samay samay balwaan hai, nahi manushya balwaan. Kaabe Arjun lootiyo, wahi dhanush, wahi baan.” I was like, “Eh?” He said, “Don’t worry about whatever it is that’s making you cry. Circumstances are important not us. Even Arjun was looted by dacoits despite having the gandiva, arrows and his greatness.”
The 5 Of Cups is asking you to look at life’s difficulties exactly like that. Accept them. But also grieve for them. Don’t just keep going about life while denying what you’ve lost.
This work week may be a tough one, everyone and everything feels like they’re out to get you. Face them, talk to them about your failures and see how you can do better and how they can help.
Relationships and fuck-ups have a different narrative. Unlike work, the pain is real and stays with you. Forgiveness and resolutions don’t come easy. If you’ve hurt people, give them time. Don’t follow your battering ram instincts and badger them for forgiveness. Even if they gave it to you, it will be half-hearted. If they’ve hurt you, give yourself the time to do the same.
Apr 21 – May 21
Bull-a ki jaana tu kaun? Bull-a ki jaana tu kaun? Don’t sing it in that nasal Rabbi Shergill version. (Don’t @ me.) It’s too intense for me to think about existential introspection that the song talks about. Why can’t we have stories and songs where introspection isn’t misery but happiness?
The 3 Of Wands often shows up when you’ve been offered something that you fear might essentially change who you are. The 3 Of Wands asks you a couple of simple questions to check your anxieties about the upcoming change or a change you’re about to fetch for yourself but are nervous.
Is this change going to take you to a territory you’re unfamiliar with? Is it bringing you new knowledge that will make you better at work, life, anything? If the answer to both the questions is yes, then don’t worry and go with it. If the answer to even one of the two is no, you’ll have to find time post-change to fulfil that need of yours.
In relationships, don’t fear getting to new levels of intimacy with your partners unless you really don’t want to take the relationship anywhere from where you are. Then respect your partner if he or she wants more and make a decision. Don’t just keep them hanging.
May 22 – June 21
Aaj rapat jaaye toh humay naa uthaiyyo! Humay jo uthaiyyo toh khud bhi rapat jaiyo, haan, khud bhi phisal jaiyo! It’s almost monsoon and it’s already raining in some parts of India. Isn’t it amazing, Twintastico, that every year your birth month brings the promise of rain to hundreds of millions of people? With rains comes the risk of keechad, raptoing and phisloing — in life, in love, at work. But, so what? With the sun in your sign, while the world will be grey outside, you’ll actually have fun falling and getting up and falling again.
Thankfully, The Page Of Wands is here to help you get your bearings, every time you fall. As the week begins, she will help you put on your armour as you step into this week full of boo-boo minefields.
At work, you are susceptible to boo-boos both small and big. Be more attentive but more importantly be more forgiving of yourself and others.
In relationships, let go. Fall. Roll on the ground. Pull the ones you love down with you. Have some fun. If it’s not a fun kinda fall then just sit down there, cry if you need to. When you get up, get your hands on some chai-pakodas.
June 22 – July 22
Crabcake, are you feeling like there’s something blocking you from going after what you really want to go for? Or you’re afraid that if you take the jump, you won’t land well on the other side? Don’t worry, it’s not you. It’s not me either. It’s actually stupid Saturn. Fair warning: It will be throwing these moments at you all year long.
When you’re being blocked by Shani, don’t act funny. Listen to your gut feeling. Is it time to look for bugs, loopholes, problems with your plans, your people and your resources? The cards send you The 10 Of Pentacles, who is damn comfortable chasing goals, Shani or not.
The 10 Of Pentacles asks you to be even more radical than that. She’s asking you to re-evaluate how you define success. Maybe your usual parameters no longer apply to these new plans or the new life you’re hurtling towards.
At work, look at every project that’s not moving. Stop looking at it from the point of view of what you or your team’s doing wrong. Look at the deliverables. Are they still relevant or important? Have they changed or will be changing soon? It shouldn’t be that you finish the project and then realise that it’s not what you want.
July 23 — Aug 23
You know that old Alcoholics Anonymous prayer? God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference? Well, this week, we’re going to give you a version of that prayer: God, grant me the chill to not pick battles I will lose, the firepower to destroy the ones I am bound to win, and the wisdom to know the difference.
That’s the thing about this week. Something about the way Mars and the Moon are giving each other glances is going to make everyone around you as fierce and competitive as you. So every fight you pick, it won’t matter if you’re right or wrong, it’ll just be you and that person screaming at each other. Work might suffer. But relationships will be tougher. You and your partner will never get to the bottom of what you’re fighting about.
The cards got your back though. The cards send you Suspension to turn it all around for you and he is just going to grab you by the legs and turn you upside down, and shake you till you can see right. So whenever you’re grabbed by that manic impulse to pick a fight, see if you’re actually fighting for right versus wrong or just because you want to fight.
Aug 24 – Sept 22
Citizens of the great state of Virgonia, this is going to be a great week to unleash the true power of your intuition onto your life and the world. Your superpower aka your gut/gut sense/instincts will rise to any occasion this week. Well, don’t be all dramatic and throw yourself into situations just to test it.
The good thing about having your intuition at its full firing power is that it not only helps you today, it helps you resolve past issues and have deep and rare insights into the future. The sweet part is that The 6 Of Swords is here to empower you to capitalise completely on your own strengths and with full freedom.
At work, find the time to pull all your presentations and notes about future projects and plans together and you’ll suddenly see what you might have missed before. Something that will put chaar chaand on the projects.
Relationships will be beautiful this week. You will know what your friends, family and lovers want and feel even before they talk about it. That way, you’ll end up collecting so many brownie points! You will be tempted to use the same to exact revenge. Don’t be stupid. Haven’t you heard that hit from the 80s ‘Revenge is a dish best served fictionally’ by that band Rekha & The Crocodiles?
Sept 23 – Oct 23
Feeling fresh after last week’s rest and relaxation? This is the week you make a boxer’s entry into the ring of life. Play Eye of the Tiger every morning. It’s like having the energy that usually the Taureans are known for — to be able to move the heaviest of objects.
Archimedes, the mathematician most famous for running naked out of a bathtub, did other stupid things too. Like once he said, “Give me a place to stand on and I will move the earth.” He was bragging about how using levers can reduce the force you have to apply to move objects. And just like that, the cards have sent you Justice as a lever to help you move your heavy objects.
Justice is accountability. Justice is asking yourself the questions that will clear your conscience or otherwise let you breathe. Basically, the cards are asking you to not use this strength for material gains like success only. They’re asking you to use this strength to resolve parts of your life that are weighing down on your conscience.
In relationships, this is not only a great time to mend broken bridges but also one to build new ones that never existed but should have. You don’t have to say anything, sometimes just watching a movie together can help.
Oct 24 – Nov 22
Have you been keeping track of everything that’s been changing around you? Not in that “country is going to the dogs” kinda way but things that affect you personally. Maybe at work, your entire team has been replaced slowly, one member after the other. Maybe in life, you have started craving more Italian over Chinese. If you haven’t already started making mental notes, start off.
This is because one evening you’ll be dying for some carbonara but by force of habit when you open that app, you’ll order crab pepper garlic. Crab’s awesome and I’d love it but I’m not sure if you’ll feel satisfied. Don’t forget that you have to sit every new teammate down and gently bring them onboard the project. You’re going to be on edge. You know you can’t control that stinger of yours when you’re on edge, don’t you?
The 8 Of Wands is here to remind you that you can only control your stinger if you let go of your ego, your self-image and accept that yes, things have changed. Parts of you are not the same as you remember them to be. Accept the better changes. Start healing the ones that make you hurt. (Chimneys, it’s a great week to quit smoking.)
Nov 23 – Dec 21
Hello and welcome to the Mars School of Personality Development. You are going to learn how to be magical. Your course starts this week and may go on all the way till August (if you manage to not get suspended for illegal gambling with your special Martian powers).
You know how when you and your friends will be busy trying to fix the TV reception, the internet connection, or some appliance for hours, that one jolly idiot friend will walk in and slap it once and it’ll start working? This week onwards, you’re going to be that girl — courageous, assertive and attractive with a wee bit of goofy.
The 2 Of Pentacles is here to help you use your magic wisely. At work, you will have the insight to find the easier ways out of the most complex tasks.
In relationships, you will see where you’ve been unfair to people around you and vice versa and you will come up with an activity-based solution to pay for the unfairness. Like if you haven’t spent any time with a friend or have had random disagreements with a friend who likes to go shopping (and you hate it), you should go shopping. Or if he or she have been negative towards you, ask them out for an activity of your choice. Start somewhere.
Dec 22 – Jan 20
Have any of you ever traveled in local trains in Bombay? As a young, aspiring-to-something 20-something, I spent three years of my life in Bombay. And like every young, aspiring-to-something 20-something in the city, I took the local trains. I hated it. It was crowded, sweaty and exhausting. And you’re constantly afraid of being trampled. Then I started noticing aunties who toss their heads back and snore away while also hugging their bags and clutching their hankies.
One day, on my way back from work, I found a seat and knocked down a nap like those aunties. I woke up in a pool of sweat but I felt alive and fresh. I happily (as opposed to reluctantly) went partying that night. Then I took to train-napping like a junkie. For my 8:54 Churchgate local to work, I even found a regular shoulder aunty (we never exchanged names), who didn’t mind if in my sleep I dropped my head on her shoulder. (I always did.)
This week, The 4 Of Cups will help you find that feeling equivalent to shoulder-aunty’s shoulder — a disengaged moment of accidental self-care. Find your world-proof booth this week. Try and be with loved ones who don’t mind being your shoulder-aunty and let you escape in your dreams.
Jan 21 – Feb 18
I feel like I should be saying this in old astrologer uncle voice, “Beta, mangal ki dasha aur pichhle hafte ki poornima tumhaare liye bahaut haanikaarak saabit ho sakti hai.” Because Mars can play dirty and make you feel frustrated and angry. Last week’s full moon, as it rolls on towards a new moon, is making sure that if you enter a race or a fight, your opponent will have all that it takes to beat you. Being frustrated and angry is only going to make you more vulnerable.
The 9 Of Pentacles is here to ask you to take a deep breath. You got this. You don’t need to compete with someone to prove your self-worth. No matter how angry and frustrated you are. She asks you to look down for once and see all that you’re standing on and not allow your desperation to get the better of you.
At work, you might be challenged by colleagues and juniors but that’s only because of some misunderstanding, politics or just jealousy. Don’t react to anything. Just be confident in who you are and all the work you’ve put in. Patience will either help you if you are right or enable you to learn something new from them.
Feb 19 – Mar 20
Surmai akhiyon mein, nanha munna ek sapna de jaa rre! We know that Saturn’s been pushing your buttons to conquer the world this year and from what the voices say, you’ve been doing quite well too. But darling, sometimes you need to close those fishita eyes of yours and dream a little too.
Dreams make us seek not only what we want but also the feelings we associate with what we want. For eg, we dream of being millionaires but specifically one kind of millionaire — the happy kind. But if in life, we were becoming millionaires but were also sad (not necessarily about having all that money), are we really fulfilling our dreams?
The 3 Of Cups is here to remind you to take a break and dive into your dreams this week. You don’t have to be Devdas in a bottle to indulge in introspection and self-discovery. You can do that while you laugh and have fun with a warm group of close friends.
So this week, make sure you have the people that you can be around over for dinner and drinks. Make all the dirty jokes and pokes that bring you to that heightened joyousness where everything seems possible. Then ask yourself if you’re actually moving closer to fulfilling your dreams.
(What did you think of our new specially feminist horoscopes looking into your coming week? Write to us your thoughts and we promise we’ll respond 🙂 email@example.com)