By Ila Ananya
The funeral service for Karabo Mokoena in South Africa was held on Friday, after she was found murdered in a park in Lyndhurst. Her boyfriend Sandile Mantsoe had beaten her to death before burning her, and her family, however, hadn’t known what had happened to her — they had first reported her as missing on April 28th.
A new hashtag doing the rounds in South Africa has been #MenAreTrash, which started as a response to a spate of crimes against women, including Mokoena’s brutal murder. It started with women telling terrifying stories about abuse, both by men they were with, and by strangers. There was Alexandra Buki Deen who shared a thread of tweets about how she was kidnapped by a man who threatened to rape and kill her if she “did anything stupid”, followed by how she jumped out of his car, injured herself badly, and then had to get up and run.
But remember #NotAllMen? It made a comeback this time too, as more and more women began telling their horrifying stories. Like before, the response to abuse by men was that surely not all men were abusers, how can all men be trash? Few women have responded to these allegations that men have made on Twitter, clarifying that not all men is obvious, that it is a statement made in anger at everything women have had to experience. Few other men have supported it, even tweeting that by saying not all men are trash, they are proving men are trash.
It’s true that men need to be involved in conversations about violence against women. But as we’ve said before, why is it that men find it hard to show support without believing they need to defend themselves first? What about just keeping quiet and listening?
May 22, 2017 at 11:20 am
Because ANY generalisation, be it race, gender, or anything else that we didn’t have a choice in, is WRONG!. Sexisim is sexism, fullstop. Generalising against men, is sexist. This is irrefutable. A lot of women are terrible people too, but can we generalise about all women, calling them names because of a bad few? No! That is sexism! As a man who hates all discrimination and abuse, I support all endeavours to end it. #Menaretrash isn’t helping.
May 22, 2017 at 10:21 pm
A lot of women are pretty terrible people, as are people of all other sexes and genders. But the point of such campaigns is not to talk about the general terribleness of human beings, but the systemic violence and oppression that women face. To categorise this as just another case of general human horribleness contributes to silencing and invisilizing the oppression, no matter how good your intention. If you really do hate discrimination as you claim to, it starts with accepting that a group you belong to has a history of oppression.
May 22, 2017 at 11:08 pm
Why bother defending oneself unless you feel guilty by association. Simply, coz my son is only 12, doesn’t he can’t a potential douche bag to other women who will walk through his life or even just pass him by on the road.
My experience says, Men are angels with their mummies & douche bags everywhere else
May 23, 2017 at 12:10 pm
“why is it that men find it hard to show support without believing they need to defend themselves first?”
Because you attack all men through generalization. It’s only natural that men would defend themselves from attack.
What about just keeping quiet and listening?”
That’s not how you be a part of a conversation.
May 23, 2017 at 10:44 pm
Absolutely appalled at this hash tag. You insult our husbands, brothers, sons, grandfather’s and friends. How dare you group all men in one category and associate decent men with these criminals. You can’t excuse discrimination because you are angry. Be angry, be upset, ask good men to help but do not insult the good men in the world of which there are many!