This week we had the very useful 10-step guide to creating a legal case to fight domestic violence without a lawyer via Chayn. Over on Twitter we asked for tried-and-tested suggestions to escape abuse. What we got is a storm of tips, listed below for convenience.
1. Since escaping abuse is easier early on, watch out for controlling behaviour and disrespect of boundaries. It escalates.
3. It’s always important to know our rights – especially in a foreign land, and where we don’t have our own support system.
4. The toughest part in an abusive relationship is trying to remember: “You are more important than the person whom you love.”
5. Don’t let go of skills. Even if you’re not allowed to work at the moment, find ways to keep up. Call it a ‘hobby’. Do it quietly.
6. Resist all efforts at isolating you. Watch out for places with reduced mobility and attempts to move away from your support system.
7. Don’t let go control of daily stuff like personal bank accounts, cards, pin numbers and passwords, even in non-abusive relationships.
8. This was also a great intervention in understanding and preventing domestic abuse: http://www.theduluthmodel.org/training/wheels.html
9. Avoid those who say “adjust” only to you.
10. Women who can call, should call ICall Helpline (+ 91-22-25563291) from anywhere in the world for counselling, can also send emails (email@example.com).
Have more tips? Add them in comments below or mail us at fingerzine AT gmail DOT com
May 16, 2015 at 7:35 am
theladiesfinger would request an article or several sometime on non sexual abuse in platonic situations like family or friendship too.
May 16, 2015 at 7:36 am
theladiesfinger one of the biggest reasons people enter abusive non platonic relationships is because it was normalised before hand.
May 16, 2015 at 3:19 pm
suitcaseindian theladiesfinger Omg! This is something I never thought of. Now that you say it, can relate to so many instances.
May 16, 2015 at 3:29 pm
iconohclast it’s an intricate matrix where everything is related. Once you see the links, cannot unsee things. theladiesfinger
May 16, 2015 at 3:49 pm
suitcaseindian Now that I see I’ve been at the receiving end without even realising it… But how does one deal with it?/theladiesfinger
November 23, 2015 at 2:30 pm
The link in point 18 is dead, please update it with this one instead:
May 7, 2016 at 5:31 pm
And if for some complex reason you decide/choose/have to go back, don’t beat yourself over it.Just like beginning a relationship is a process, leaving is also a process.Each person follows a path that works for the,some can leave and never look back, others end up doing a bit of back and forth.There is no single route, your safety is most important, when the time is right ,you will do it.
If you are supporting someone who is trying to leave,DO NOT take charge of their lives, you will only be replicating what the abuser has done to them.Be there as an unconditional supporter, it can be painful to watch someone being abused, it has to be their decision and they have to feel in control.Does not mean you condone the violence, it is being a solid ally and act when the time is right.xx
Ladies Finger: Maybe an article on what not to do when a friend discloses violence in their current relation.
March 13, 2017 at 2:47 pm
This is such an important article, definitely needs to reach the masses. I completely agree with @Manju Deedi. It is a process to get out of it as much as it is a process to get into it. It takes time and energy and a lot of effort, confidence and will power to do so. I heard a story of this sort recently, that of Geeta Tandon’s (http://bit.ly/2mRrY3U)
I think after listening to this, we need an article on all those who have successfully managed to get out of a relationship of this sort.